Welcome back, SardarJi !!

So, I have been away for 6 years from my hometown, Faridabad. I did come in between during college holidays but more or less, I have been away, away from all the development(huh!!), away from the nauseating mixture of smoke,sweat and dust. I may sound like a NRI, but infact Chandigarh and Bangalore are really great cities to live in. Chandigarh with its wide roads, well planned sectors, streets and colonies. Bangalore may not have the planned feel to it, but it certainly makes up for all that with its awesome climate all year round, the great Pubs and Bars(D Great Gambler knows what I mean ;). And now I was back in Faridabad. And my office is in Noida. Though I can't comment on what Noida is like, I have never been there uptill now, but I can say(Zaini di Kasam!!) that Faridabad has changed a zilch! I had decided to commute from home, 42 Kms to Office, as I was guided by some misplaced sense of love for Mera Pyara Ghar. I began on Monday. The journey comprised of many stages and involved various means of transport. A 10 min walk to Mathura Road, catch a Auto till Old Faridabad, then a Bus till Badarpur Border. Uptill then, all was well. Now I had to catch Bus#8 or 34. The bus came and then all hell broke loose. People swarmed and filled the bus in no time. Here is where I missed a trick or two, I think. I had entered the bus fairly early and was ready to hog a seat when I realised that you need to get the ticket first, from the conductor yourself. He was a portly fellow sitting near the door and was barking vigorously at anyone who dared to gave him a 100 rupee note, retorting that from where the hell was he suppossed to get the change and telling the hapless passengers to wait for change. I was prepared for this. I took out Rs.17 in denominations of a 10 rupee note, ek paanch a sicka and two 1 rupee sickas. Using my height to good advantage and towering over other passengers I gave him the money and got the ticket. I then went to take my seat but realised that people had placed there luggage on the seats to hog them while they went to get the tickets. If I removed somebody's luggage and sat, there was a very real chance of a fight. Whom am I kidding, I would have been beaten to death(This is Sparta, I mean Haryana!!). Suddenly, I remembered my school days, where we used to follow this practise. School really prepares you for the real life!! Anyways, I decided the next best thing I could do was to take a good position where I could stand in peace without anybody's elbow knocking my spectacles off. I could not find such place. So, there I stood squeezed and suffocated, waiting for death to arrive. Now I really rued letting go, the chance I had on pulling a coup on someone and hogging a seat for myself. I handed my bag to the person sitting near me while I struggled to stand straight. Suddenly, the person standing infront of me screamed," Mera mobile chorri ho gya, Arre kissi ne mera mobile nikaal liya". Please keep in mind that while the reported events are happening, only 6 minutes have passed, since I boarded the bus. And the bus hasn't started moving yet. My immediate reaction on hearing that person's shrill screams, was to take out my wallet from my back pocket and to put it in my front pocket along with my mobile. The person sitting near to me, to whom I gave my bag, noticed my precaution-is-better-than-cure act and said "Sahi kiya aapne, SardarJi. Bach gaye aap". Meanwhile, the victim's wailings had intensified. A group of persons standing in a corner started giggling, some started mocking the victim, some sympathised but voiced nothing, some conveyed indifference. The conductor did his bit by closing the doors so that no one could get out, untill the next stop, that is. After 5 mins, Dollu(I dont know the victim's name, so we will call him Dollu) had mellowed down and was just looking at every person in the bus, in hope of finding the thief. Now the suggestions started to come. "Arre tu toh arram se khada hai. Talashi le sab ki. Kuch toh kar", shouted someone. To this someone else questioned,"Aisse kaise talashi lega yeh. DC lag roh yahan ka yeh?". This was followed by a mild laughter. Clearly, somebody else's misery had become a source of joy for many. "Call toh kar apne phone pe. Jiske paas hoga, baj padega", suggested Bhaiyaji(Dollu logic applies here). "Call karke dekh liya hai pehle hi. Switch off aa rha hai", replied Dollu, surrender written all over his face. Clearly the thief had done his homework. We were dealing with a professional here. I was scanning the crowd for possible suspects and also scanning my pocket to confirm that my wallet and mobile was still there or not. The bus was nearing its first stop. The doors opened and there was inflow and outflow of mass but the net mass on the bus increased. As the people were exiting the bus, a group of persons shouted to Dollu,"Arre woh dekh, le ja rha tera mobile. Arre woh gya. Pakkad usse". Dollu sprang to life and starting peeking and asking,"Where? Where?". But because the bus was packed in tightly with packing density even higher than Hexagonal-closed packing structure, Dollu's any attempts to disturb his inertia were thwarted. Some more laughter soon ensued. Another stop came. This time again, influx greater than outflux, leading to a packing ratio greater than 1. Again there were calls to Dollu," Arre woh le ja rha tera mobile. Dekh nikal rha woh laal bu-shirt wala". This time Dollu understood the prank. He just stood there solemnly, his face conveying emotions similar to what Sachin feels after the match in which he scores a century. I too was now not enjoying the sarcasm Dollu was being subjugated to. Soon Dollu's misery was forgotten as everyone's attention was shifted to an argument between a school girl and an uncle(Tharki Buddha mujhe ched rha hai). Good news is that, my wallet n mobile were still in my pocket. After 30 mins into the bus ride, the person holding my bag got up as he was to get down at the coming stop. Naturally, around 5-6 persons vied for the vacated seat by trying to get some body part of theirs in the space concerned. Turri Paaji(Dollu logic), on seeing the jostling, ordered,"SardarJi baithenge" And I was like,''Yeah baby, thats correct bitches. In your face, take that''. I duly obeyed Turri Paaji and took the seat. Finally, I could breathe. But my joy was short lived as after only 9 mins, a person standing near me or I should say falling over me, requested me to let him sit as he was feeling dizzy and nausea. I could sense a feeling among other passengers that SardarJi would stand and allow the poor soul to sit. We are supposed to have big hearts, right? So I did the expected and offered him my seat. After he sat down, his face radiated an unbounded joy. He was sooo.....happy!! Soon there were murmurs," Can't believe he fell for that, haha." Bad Karma JP, bad Karma, I was telling myself. It always gets to you in the end. Soon I was back in my previous bent+crouched standing position. I saw Dollu standing near me. I asked him how much did his mobile cost? "800 rupaiye ka tha bhaiya. Poore paise de ke liya tha. Saali kismat hi kharaab hai ". ......Contd.